A Tribute to my Therapist

I cannot believe I am writing this. It's the most challenging blog I will have to do. Yesterday I sadly found out my Therapist passed away.

I cannot believe our last session was in November 2021 before you had a week off, and then you texted me that you were ill and hoped to be back working in January, but unfortunately, this wasn't the case.

I was so lucky to have you as my Therapist; you were amazing, supportive, kind, a fantastic way of looking at things, went at my pace and were patient.

I remembered my first call to you back in October 2019; it was the most challenging phone call I ever made as back then, I didn't realise how ill I was. My first session was in November 2019; I didn't know if I would get on the bus to make it to see you in person, as I was struggling with my knee and my Anxiety and Depression was high. I was so glad I managed to see you face-to-face before lockdown happened, and then we did Skype calls.

I remember thinking I wasn't deserving of having counselling sessions, but you assured me that I was, and it took me time to accept I was ill and how long it would take to recover. But you reassured and told me you were here for me as long as I needed you.

Over time it got easier to talk to you. Sometimes the sessions were challenging, sometimes they were light and full of laughter, just general chit chat, or sometimes it was hard to talk, and it was okay to sit in silence. You allowed me to be whatever version of me I was at that particular time.

Over time, I eventually had good days, and they became more often than the bad days, but when I was in the dark place, I couldn't see it or believe, but you believed in me and knew how strong I was even when I didn't.

I always wished that you had a magic wand to make it go away, and you wished you did, but the only way to get better was by talking to you and working hard, but in a way, you did have a magic wand as I wouldn't be where I am today without you. I know you would say you did the hard work, but I couldn't have done it without your support.

I will never be able to Thank you enough for allowing me the privilege and honour to work with you.

• Thank you for helping me become the person I want to be. I am a better version of myself, and it's okay to be me and don't have to please people. I never thought I would ever say I like myself, and today I like who I am.

• Thank you for allowing me to talk about my past and putting it in a better place, and there were things I have only shared with you and will only stay between us, which I never imagined.

• Thank you for helping my brain and knee connect after they became disconnected.

• Thank you for working on my highly critical brain as I was so hard on myself, didn't like myself, put myself last. You taught me how to be kind to myself, how to treat myself, and it's okay to have duvet days, but not too often.

• When I struggled to go out, you helped me to do little steps and get back out in the outside world quietly, as, at the time, it was so scary.

• You encouraged me to meet new people and try new things. We couldn't believe how well I took to the photography and the passion it brought out in me. You even encouraged me to use my photography as therapy when I had a bad day or a blip. We loved discussing where I have been with my camera, our love of birds and flowers, how I have made some fantastic friends through photography and going out with them.

• You enable me to open up about my feelings, and it's okay not to be happy all of the time. It's okay to cry, be sad, okay to sit with my thoughts.

• When I had a blip in June 2021, I said I let you down, and I let myself down, and you said I didn't, and it wasn't a step back. It was a bump in the road, and you used the scenario, if I travelled to Glasgow and stopped at Bristol for Coffee, I still wouldn't be in Glasgow, and that has stuck with me ever since. I will get to Glasgow, and in your honour, I will go there physically for a holiday.

• I will keep trying new things, and when I am having a low day, I will think of what you would say to me.

I am sure this is not everything, but I know we used to say having my illness was horrible, and it sucked, but we wouldn't wish it on anyone. But even though it was the most challenging journey but in a way, it was the best journey, as I wouldn't have met you and become the person I am today and wouldn't be doing my photography.

I know I am in pain and hurting now as I cannot believe you have gone. I cannot imagine the pain and the hurt your husband and children are going through and the lives of other people you have touched. My condolences go out to them. I hope they know how special you were to help us in our time of need.

You will always have a special place in my heart which I hold you with love. I will continue to honour and share your wisdom throughout my life. I will continue to make you proud, be proud of myself, keep working on myself and keep trying new things. I will keep doing my blog, which you loved and supported, to try and help others who feel alone and need to know they are not alone, as this is what you wanted.

I was so lucky to have you as my Therapist, and I know wherever you are, you will be spreading your love, wisdom in the skies above and continuing with your knitting. Sweet Dreams, my beautiful Angel.

As a fitting tribute and honour to you, here are the photos I have captured of your favourite bird - Blackbirds.